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2018 Diddler Cup Racing Series
The 2018 Diddler Cup Racing Series is the second season of the Diddler Cup Racing Series, a stock car racing to come to IRM. The season begins on July 14, 2018 at Diddler Motor Speedway in South Tucson, Arizona, and concludes on DATE TBD at Scorch's Pretty Fucking Good Racetrack in Santa Monica, California. The defending champion is Jean-Paul Henry, who returns in the #40 Chevy Prizm, sponsored by Ludger Beer Bombs. Commentary Team *Chip Chapman (Bryan) - Veteran play by play racing announcer *"Lightning" Lloyd Shivers (RJ) - Former South Tucson short track champion Special Guests *Beaumont Jenkins (Caveman) - President of the Wooba Bally Fan Club Format changes The 2018 season is the first to introduce racing teams. This season features 10 teams of two or three cars, plus five drivers who are operating independently. Additionally, the series format has changed. The season is made up of 22 races, with the first 14 races making up a "regular season". After this, 16 drivers will qualify for the "playoffs", which is the last 8 races. (To be clear, all 32 drivers will race in all 22 races, whether they qualify or not.) Qualification for the playoffs is awarded to every driver who wins one of the first 14 races of the season. The remaining spots are joined by the two win-less drivers with the highest point totals. Each round of the playoffs will include a race at one track not featured in the first 14 "regular season" races, with the exception of the final Championship race. The remaining 5 races will be selected from the list of regular season tracks during the season. Teams and Drivers Schedule Season Summary 'Race Reports' Race 1: Beefis 300 The defending 2017 champion, Jean-Paul Henry, started on the pole, and led the first 15 laps of this 100-lap race before falling back into the lead pack. From there, Paul Alcohol led for the remaining 85 laps, holding off challenges from Paul Walker and Joe-Jon Winchester, to win the race. Race 2: Tucsonade Dehydration Grand Prix Richard Blood started on the pole, currently leading all drivers in Diddler Cup history with 4 career pole awards. However, it was Jeff Gordon The Horse that hit the start/finish line at the green flag to bring this race to a start. On lap 1, a small pack of 6 cars, led by two Matryoshka, Inc. drivers, Vitaly Kryptov and Petrol Topov, raced to the front and opened up a 5-second lead on the field. Joe-Jon Winchester, Rickie Walton, and rookie Bucky Dewshine followed the duo, along with Ennio Sporini who couldn't keep up after one lap, but ultimately, the breakaway was reeled in by the rest of the field. Cars started falling off, as Big Daddy Thibodeaux and Winchester spun out on a dangerous turn, making contact and sending them to pit road. Leading the race before pitting because a carousel, as Giaccomo Giaccomo, Wooba Bally, and Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver all led a lap before moving to pit road. Jeff Chinese retired from the race on Lap 8 of 12, after running into the back of Giaccomo Giaccomo. Reverend Pastorchavez would take the lead with 5 laps to go, only to lose it to Paul Alcohol for one lap before falling back off the pace. With 3 laps to go, four cars battled it out. Pastorchavez and Bowie Jessup from Most Glorious Motorsports battled with Richard Blood and Stumpy Lane of Dixie Wimmer Inc. On the second to last lap, the pair of MGM drivers made their attack, leaving the DWI cars in the dust. Pastorchavez and Jessup battled mildly on the final stretch, but Reverend Pastorchavez took the win over teammate Bowie Jessup, with Lane and Blood taking 3rd and 4th, holding off Paul Alcohol in fifth. Race 3: A "Daytona" "500" Giaccomo Giaccomo started on the pole, and brought the tightly contested field of drivers to the green flag. As the 32 cars built up speed, the two predominant lines became three and four wide, especially coming off of Turn 3. A total of 15 different drivers led the race, which was shortened to 56 laps due to the whole trespassing thing. As the laps dwindled down, green flag pit stops opened up a split in the field, with the top 10 drivers opening up a 7-second gap from the field. However, at lap 49, a caution came out with little explanation, as no cars wrecked or were off the pace. As all cars visited pit road under green flags, the field condensed for a 3-lap shootout at the restart. Rookie Cobb Salad, who led the most laps, including the ones under caution, drove like a veteran to hold off charges from Big Daddy Thibodeaux, Petrol Topov, and Morris Mayfield, to keep his lead, winning the checkered flag and the race. Race 4: We Put A Bat In Everyone's Car 200 Bucky Dewshine started on the pole, and led for the first 40 laps of this chaotic 70-lap race on the slippery 0.4-mile dirt oval. Crashes were aplenty as cars taking the high line would get loose and slide up at Turn 3, aptly named "Batshit Corner". Of note, Ennio Sporini on lap 21 was flipped over, righted, and never pitted to repair. The lead changed four times, with five drivers earning the 5 bonus points: Richard Blood, Petrol Topov, Rickie Walton, and Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver, along with pole sitter Dewshine. Richard Blood's bat apparently gummed up his camshaft and, as he was leading in lap 49, was forced to end his race early. With four laps to go, Rickie Walton, holding off challenges from Topov, Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver, and DIRK Tanaka, spun out on Batshit Corner, but remained on the race track. His delay shrunk the gap between first and second, but did not do enough to keep the Temecula Dirt car from winning the race. Race 5: Dyslexia Cares 005 Giaccomo Giaccomo started on the pole, along with Vitaly Kryptov. This was Giaccomo's 2nd pole this season already. The pack of 32 cars made it only 3 laps of the 61-lap race before disaster struck. While fighting for the lead, Giaccomo's #4 KISS Ford and Kryptov's #1 Greybits Dodge made contact, sending both cars tumbling up the side of the track, with Kryptov's car getting airborne until it landed square on the windshield of DIRK Tanaka's #99 Slapmart Chevy, bouncing and taking all 3 cars out of the race. During the caution, the first of 3 in the race, Kevin Boughner-Pillman and El Matador Toto Rosanna made contact and crashed into the wall while trying to catch up to the pace car. During this wreck, Reverend Pastorchavez had spent most of the race in the pits, only to return after the caution and spin out and crash at lap 11. Attrition was the theme of the race, as drivers dropped like flies, and 542 Norman's #13 Florida Georgia Lime Dodge left the race, the only retiring driver not due to a wreck. Oh, did we mention that Pastorchavez's wreck didn't bring out a caution? Yeah. They said fuck that. With 25 drivers still on the track, the field dwindled down even more, as lap 19 brought about a second caution, involving Big Daddy Thibodeaux, who saw the worst of it, ending his race, but also Wooba Bally, Rickie Walton, Doug Pork, Fat Darryl, Paul Alcohol, and Nikolai the Soviet Driving Bear. With 21 drivers left, and 3 trailing off the back, 18 drivers pushed forward with 40 laps still to go. Things turned tragic, then hilarious, then tragic, and then hilarious again, as Cobb Salad and Jeff Chinese wrecked on lap 31, careening into the pits and taking out the pit lane official. Cobb Salad was able to keep it together and stay in the race, but Chinese would end up a lap down with no yellow flag. Not long after, the tragic-hilarious cycle continued at lap 39, with a caution once more, this time taking out Stumpy Lane, who made contact with Doug Pork, also involving Morris Mayfield, and Agent Toby Keith, who continued to plow into Lane, taking him out of the race. With 20 laps to go, a pack of 11 cars battled for the win, trading the lead, until Paul Walker and Joe-Jon Winchester pushed to the front, with Petrol Topov, Jeff Gordon The Horse, and Jim Blossoms not far behind challenging. However, ultimately it was Winchester who had the speed coming out of the turns to push forward and pass Walker on the final lap to win the race, his 3rd career win and first of the season. Race 6: 300 Miles of Failure Piles Bucky Dewshine started on the pole, which was the 2nd pole this season for the rookie in the #55 Taco Baco Ford. However, Giaccomo Giaccomo, on the outside of the front row, found the stronger line quickly and rocketed past Dewshine to lead the first lap of the race. With Rickie Walton and Joe-Jon Winchester, two drivers who have already qualified for the playoffs, within reach, the #4 KISS car held the lead until Lap 34, starting the first of a set of green flag pit stops. However, as the leading group of drivers reached pit road, a caution came out on Lap 38 due to a crash involving Nikolai the Soviet Driving Bear and Paul Walker. With the restart, Vitaly Kryptov took the lead for the #1 Greybits team, and held onto that lead until the second set of green flag pit stops, at Lap 75 of the 120-lap race. However, just as this happened, Rickie Walton bumped the wall heading into the pits, and slammed his car directly into the divider, bringing out another caution. With the lead swapping around due to the yellow flag, the restart came with 42 laps to go, and Petrol Topov led the race in the #90 Dodge Stratus, after initially starting at the back of the field. After building a 5-second lead over the rest of the field, the final laps became a pit road strategy battle, as the leader had to make a quick stop with 6 laps to go. However, with Jim Blossoms leading the race, followed by Morris Mayfield, the leaders needed to pit as well, and the field cycled through once more, with Petrol Topov regaining the lead with 3 to go and held on to win the race. Race 7: Florida Man 400 Stumpy Lane started on the pole, making him the last of the Dixie Wimmer, Inc drivers to have won a pole this season. With the opening stretch, the high line going into the first turn of the oddly-shaped track proved treacherous, with many cars scraping the wall coming out of Turn 1. Many drivers would jockey for the lead, confirming their 5 points, and retreating into the pack. The first caution came out at Lap 8, bringing out the caution, in a wreck in the middle that spun out Jim Blossoms but was mostly involving Kevin Boughner-Pillman, and seemingly caused by Smiley van Vuuren. At this point we started seeing crashes come as the race track took quite a bit to get used to. Lap 18 brought out the second caution, with Paul Alcohol sandwiched by DIRK Tanaka and Vitaly Kryptov, spinning like a top as the field slowed to caution speeds and pit road once more. Alcohol even got wrecked on his way off pit road, spun out after making contact with van Vuuren and Boughner-Pillman. Lap 27 brought out the yellow once more, with Doug Pork thrown down into the infield in a giant wreck, where the Florida Man Mystery Hole claimed a few victims. After these three wrecks, the race began to settle until "the big one" hit at the very end of the race. With Wooba Bally taking the lead with two laps to go, into the white flag, a final lap caution caused enough chaos to bring out the yellow flag but allow the race to finish, where Fat Darryl crashed into Jim Blossoms and Doug Pork, along with Paul Walker. The finish was mired with controversy, as DIRK Tanaka fired himself up past Bally, who lost his draft, into second. With teammate Ennio Sporini, laps down, pushing him forward, Big Daddy Thibodeaux took the low line to finish ahead of Tanaka and Bally and win the race. Race 8: Akron Accident Prevention 500 Richard Blood started on the pole for the second time this season in the #51 BOXAWYNE Chevy. Just as the command to start engines was given, and the pace car led the field, Wooba Bally's car immediately had to be brought to the pits, never starting the race, after a stellar qualifying effort, starting third but not qualifying for any points. As is the typical case on these huge superspeedways, the lead changed multiple times with cars going as many as five or six wide in and out of the turns. However, the massive track of over 4 miles long was incredibly wide, giving plenty of room to move, especially into the highly-banked turns. The first sign of trouble came at Lap 10 of 42, with Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver sliding up the track into Doug Pork and Vitaly Kryptov, pushing them into the wall, and involving several other drivers behind. The ten cars involved visited pit road, and Joe-Jon Winchester, Nikolai the Soviet Driving Bear, Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver, and Harry Gunt. The restart came with 28 laps to go, as the lead pack dwindled down to 22, with many cars falling off the pace. The dreaded split of the pack came at the halfway point, Lap 21, when Petrol Topov was put a lap down, and caused many of the cars to brake check and fall behind, dropping the lead pack to 12. Lap 22 brought on the first wave of green flag pit stops, with Bucky Dewshine and Cobb Salad taking a huge lead over the field at Lap 25, running well enough to have speed after the only wreck, but having pitted during the caution. This strategy only lasted for so long, as both Salad and Dewshine had to pit at Lap 34 to refuel. The final 8 laps became a six-car race, with DIRK Tanaka and Kevin Boughner-Pillman trading the lead for SlapDong Corporate Racing, along with Smiley van Vuuren and Dewshine for Sbubby Mortports, and El Matador Toto Rosanna and Agent Toby Keith. Seventh place was a battle, with the pack of 13 cars almost five seconds off the lead. Dewshine's attempt to keep pace faded with 4 laps to go, and Kevin Boughner-Pillman took the white flag. With the help of his teammate DIRK Tanaka, who finished fourth, managing the front of the field, Boughner-Pillman held a tenth of a second over van Vuuren in second to win the race. Race 9: Ainsley Harriott 250 Race scheduled for August 26, 2018. Race 10: Toxic Masculinity 300 Race scheduled for September 1, 2018. Race 11: Cinnafist 500 Race scheduled for September 3, 2018. Results and Standings 'Race Results' 'Driver Standings' A * indicates the driver led at least one lap during the race, for an additional 5 bonus points. A second * indicates the driver led the most laps during the race, for 5 bonus points in addition to the previous 5 points. 'Manufacturers' Standings' 'Playoff Grid' ----